While people want and claim to want to be treated the same, they really want to be treated as individuals. Treating everyone the same simply ignores people's unique experience, skills, talents, wants/desires, etc. Beyond simply a person's background, treating everyone the same also fails to realize the uniqueness of the day. Each day is different and contains its own difficulties, anxieties, stresses, and situations or circumstances. While we all can relate, we have never been where they are when they are. For example, take two mothers. Both were/are mothers of 3 toddlers under the age of 5. One mother mothered in the 1980's while another mothers now, 2000's. While one can relate to the other and understand, the new mother has a whole new set of circumstances, a different worldview/paradigm, personalities, and a different USA to deal with on top of the normal every day dealings of 3 toddlers. So mothering in the 1980's is different than mothering in the 2000's. AND, each child is different. The older mother may have had calm children while the new mother may have ADD or ADHD children (or vice versa or a mix).
But how does this relate to HR and leadership? Well, the statement obvious: leading in a company was different 10-20 years ago than it is now. While mothering, leadership principles, and human relations principles often stay the same, they manifest themselves differently. Furthermore, we would not relate to each mother the same. A great leader takes a whole variety of things into account when relating to someone. Failing to recognize this can cause a huge, unintentional backfire. Before we can talk about the how, we must first talk about the why. Why do people want to be treated as individuals?
There are seven basic reasons why people want to be treated as individuals.
- It makes us feel important.
- Because we want to feel valued.
- We want to feel respected as a real contributor.
- We are different, motivated differently, and respond differently.
- We are unique and one of a kind.
- We don't want to be just a number.
- We want to be treated fairly, not just the same.
First, treating people as individuals make us feel important. Mary Kay Ash said in response to a question about her success, "Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, ‘Make me feel important.’ Never forget this message when working with people." We want, not only to feel important, but also to feel valued. While this really goes hand in hand with feeling important, it needs to be stated. Making a person feel important and valued also has to do with the way we relate to them personally. It also has to do with what we do in response to their ideas and their work. Both have to do with their heart.
Third, we want to feel respected as a real contributor. While not every idea is a good idea, which I should know, some ideas are worth considering. Howard Hendricks, published author, professor at Dallas Theological Seminary since 1951, and founder of the Center for Christian Leadership, said, "For every 30 ideas, there is 1 good idea." Simply, it takes 30 ideas both good, bad and ugly before coming up with 1 great idea. In my place of work, I come up with a plethora of ideas, many of which are fleeting (it's kind of an office joke with me and my boss because I have so many ideas. I'll say, "Hey NAME, I have an idea!" And he'll always come back with a joke, something like, "You? An idea? No!?" Which with my personality, works great!); however, I always tell my boss my ideas regardless of how stupid I may think they are. I actually work best in a sound boarding situation where every idea is qualified but none are rejected until it's time. So what my boss does with those ideas is what makes me feel like a contributor or not. What my boss does with my work is what me feel like a contributor or not.
Fourth, we are different, motivated differently, and respond differently. Think about it! We are different. Each one of us was created differently from the next person, even twins have differences. No one of us is like the other. We may have similarities, similar likes and dislikes, but we also have grave differences physically, mentally, intellectually, and emotionally. Each of us is in a different place physically, mentally, intellectually, and emotionally. We have different personal stories and familial stories. Each one of us has different personalities. Though we may be categorized generally (or classified, no pun intended), we have specific nuances, quirks, or "imperfections" that make us different. We all have our own little idiosyncrasies (characteristics, tendencies, or personalities that are peculiar or specific to an individual). As Sean (AKA Robin Williams) said in Good Will Hunting, "People call these things imperfections, but they're not. Ah, that's the good stuff." And it truly is!
Fifth, we are unique and one of a kind. You are unique. I am unique. People are unique! There is no one like them. There is no one like you. You are an individual. Christianity declares this and makes a huge deal of this one basic truth. Each person is unique though we may belong to this group or that team. We all have our own set of skills, characteristics, and traits. Each one of us is different in age, gender, and ethnicity. We also each have our own specific DNA composition and our fingerprint unique to each one of us (though this later part is under intense speculation).
Therefore, sixth, we don't want to be just a number. It goes against everything in us to be just a number. While having a number associated with us may be imperative for companies, corporations, governments, etc., with people we don't want to be just a number. When I worked as an Operation Manager at FedEx, I had a co-worker who never knew anyone's name. When I asked him about this he said to me, "Every day, when we are starting up, I look at the door and all I see is '1', '2', '3'...'15' and then any after that I send to another area/manager or home." And his productivity numbers showed it! He was constantly being drilled on his low numbers, and his manager was frantically searching for a way to motivate him to be better. What his manager failed to realize was that the reason his productivity was so low was because everyone was simply a number to him. Really, his manager was treating him just like he did everyone else, pulling out all the book-answers and the standard leadership/managerial tactics he learned or saw.
Seventh, we want to be treated fairly, not just the same. I personally don't want to be treated the same. I need some flexibility. I have a family with 4 kids ages 5 and under with only one car! So if one needs to go to the doctor, and I have the car, I need the flexibility to run home, get my kid, run to the doctor, take him home and then come back to work. Because of this, my boss has allowed me these freedoms entrusting that I would put in at least 40 hours a week. And I do, but I do it differently than my co-worker beside me who is an older, single, retired military guy. What's fair for me is not fair for him and vice versa.
So, there are basically seven reasons why people want to be treated as individuals (though some of these can be combined).
- It makes us feel important.
- Because we want to feel valued.
- We want to feel respected as a real contributor.
- We are different, motivated differently, and respond differently.
- We are unique and one of a kind.
- We don't want to be just a number.
- We want to be treated fairly, not just the same.
Next, we will talk about the how in a bit more detail.